When promptly leaving for the company chill-out:

"If you're going to get drunk, you might as well get drunk on time."

When the new microwave at the office was mentioned...

"We put tap shoes in a microwave once....just to watch them spark."

After listening to the song "Oh Kuri"...

"Yeah, a whore and curry; that's all you need. SHAMON!"

Avoid liquor crimes

"'Cause they're total deflation and devastation and all shame-spiral."

"Beep Barp"

Happy Birthday, Shamon!

You're the best!

What? Jealous?

More Kentucky Derby-esque pics to come...

This product contains...

a narcotic cough supressant (antitussive) that affects a certain part of the brain, reducing the urge to cough.

Sizzurp

"My Doctor gave me a note letting me off from work yesterday. He's not even my regular doctor. He probably thought I was hinting at it or something. I just wanted some antibiotics and sizzurp."