Classic

"Oh my god, after 1 beer...I'm a cheap date. Talk about being Jewish."

Lightning Struck Twice

1) Injecting oneself with a chemical which then causes a reaction with the melanin in your skin where your skin then magically self tans = [being] "from the country of Tanada"

2) Overuse and abuse of tabasco makes you a "Tabastard"

High-Class

Happy 4th of July!

"I'm going to go sell fireworks tomorrow. So awesome!"