Easy!

1) “I don’t know what this stuff is, but I put it on my face!”

2) “This isn’t really a filter, you know? It’s more of a funnel.”

Classic

Co-worker: "Hey, what's happening?"

Shamon: "I am."

Two In A Row

1) Shamon: "I just chewed asprin, gross, bluh!"

2) Co-worker: "Anyone interested in Chinese?"
Shamon: "In what capacity?"

La-di-dah

Scoring toilet seat covers

"Now we're back on the safety train!"

Hooker Blues

"John Lee Hooker is giving me gas!"

The Tweekend

Co-worker: "Have a good weekend, Colin."

Colin: "I will. And, don't tell me what to do!"

Hoarding

Colin: "Does any one have folders for the meeting?"

Co-worker: "Yeah, I do."

Colin: "Thank God someone's a hoarder."

Release The Kraken!

Curry Lunch Buffet

1) "When it comes to curry, I don't wait for anybody!"

2) "Hi, my name is Colin, do you have a 2-car garage?"

Whuck??

Funsour Seeds Part 3

There are sunflower seeds in my phone.

Craig & Joey

Bananas

Co-worker: Do you want a vrot banana?

Colin: Oh sure. My tolerance for vrotness is way beyond anything you Americans can handle.