Lightning Struck Twice

1) Injecting oneself with a chemical which then causes a reaction with the melanin in your skin where your skin then magically self tans = [being] "from the country of Tanada"

2) Overuse and abuse of tabasco makes you a "Tabastard"

High-Class

Happy 4th of July!

"I'm going to go sell fireworks tomorrow. So awesome!"

Curry Lunch

Shamon: Like the Fabulous Thunderbirds said, "Wrap it up, I'll take it."

Waitress: Whaaat?


Later when the to-go bag is presented to Shamon...

Shamon: Hey, there's a hot dog in here!


Even later, when valet tickets are being stamped...

Co-worker: Did you get validated?

Shamon: Spiritually? Emotionally?

Jonesing

Shamon: Excuse me for interrupting, but can I have some crack [aka sunflower seeds]?

Dolls

Shamon: I'm going to take some meds immediately!

Co-worker: Nice!

Shamon: AKA lickety-split

Add It Up!

"Sweet mother of Jesus, this thing ties!"

Whaat???

It's Business Time!

Double down!

"Does it come with a free pacemaker?"

Fancy Pants

Co-worker: "I like your sassy, Frankenstein pants"

Shamon: "I'm all disco apocalypse. I got a right to party too."

Easy!

1) “I don’t know what this stuff is, but I put it on my face!”

2) “This isn’t really a filter, you know? It’s more of a funnel.”

Classic

Co-worker: "Hey, what's happening?"

Shamon: "I am."

Two In A Row

1) Shamon: "I just chewed asprin, gross, bluh!"

2) Co-worker: "Anyone interested in Chinese?"
Shamon: "In what capacity?"