Hmm-mmm Olives

"I love the Santa Barbara Olive Company's bleu-cheese stuffed olives; PUT SOME STANK ON 'EM! [Rings bell]"

Black Swan

"If I go without Bev, I'll be a dead duck."

Snatch!

Shamon: That kind of made my day in a weird sort of way...But then again, I like to vomit.

Co-worker: Sorry, the picture is sort of blurry, but maybe that's better.

Shamon: Yeah, you don't want that AUTOTUNED.

Pig tails

"What? Don't make fun! They're from my cheerleading competition this weekend....at the Senior Center."

TiErsreverDnaTiPilf

Co-worker: I was putting together this desk from IKEA, and when I was almost done with it, I realized that I did it wrong. Two of the legs had to be flipped and reversed.

Shamon: Per Missy Elliott.

Keenan Cahill

"Not to be confused with Kato Kaelin"

Crazy Lady

Shamon: She's really crazy.

Co-worker: Oh rad.

Shamon: No, not the fun kind. The deflating kind.

Vanity Fair

Shamon: Did you get your new Vanity Fair?

Co-worker #1: Yes!

Co-worker #2: The one with Cher on the cover, right?

Co-worker #1: Yeah, she looks all weird. Why is she wearing a leotard?

Co-worker #2: To promote BURLESQUE I guess.

Shamon: It's a Cher-tard.

Shut Up!

Don't look down on me because I eat in the alley.

Funsour SNAGGLE

Stress relief

"Well, maybe my Mrs. Garrett hair-DON'T will cheer you up."

Funyuns Time!

Turn up the volume!

Playa Vista

By the way, I've decided that Playa [ply-ya] Vista is now Playa [play-ya] Vista, and I'm going to live there because I'm a Playa [play-ya].

Fancy Shoe Friday

Co-worker: Where are your high-heeled tennies?

Shamon: Oh, my back wouldn't be able to take them. Those are for a 17-year-old...or a tranny.