Martyr Time

"It's all martyr world...

[Sings] Welcome to martyr world...

It goes with the dance: the martyr shuffle."

[Minutes later]

"Have you seen my martyr mobile?"

Statement Deflation

"This is going in the trash. I'm done with this. It's nothing but heartache and sorrow."

Walkabout

Co-worker: "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Shamon: "Yeah, but I'm not wearing my shoes. I don't care. I'm not afraid of transdermal funk."

A.I.

Co-worker: Is anybody, dare I ask, into American Idol?

Shamon: I'm not allowed to watch it.

Junior's

Shamon: You know what I have downstairs?

Co-worker: Are you talking to me?

Shamon: No, I don't have an Italian movie. I have left-over potato latkes.

MJ

"I miss him....I miss his sparkle."

Tick Tock

Time flies when you get to work at ONE; Shamon!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alfas and Omissions

Why are you sweating?

"It's from all the coffee and running around...and all the lies."

Hmm-mmm Olives

"I love the Santa Barbara Olive Company's bleu-cheese stuffed olives; PUT SOME STANK ON 'EM! [Rings bell]"

Black Swan

"If I go without Bev, I'll be a dead duck."

Snatch!

Shamon: That kind of made my day in a weird sort of way...But then again, I like to vomit.

Co-worker: Sorry, the picture is sort of blurry, but maybe that's better.

Shamon: Yeah, you don't want that AUTOTUNED.

Pig tails

"What? Don't make fun! They're from my cheerleading competition this weekend....at the Senior Center."

TiErsreverDnaTiPilf

Co-worker: I was putting together this desk from IKEA, and when I was almost done with it, I realized that I did it wrong. Two of the legs had to be flipped and reversed.

Shamon: Per Missy Elliott.

Keenan Cahill

"Not to be confused with Kato Kaelin"