Snuggie!

"The 405 is the devil!"

Bra Purse

Co-worker: "Here's your $5 from before."

Shamon takes the $5 bill, and puts it in her bra purse, as she states "It's all PROSTIE-style."

Holiday Ribbons

Co-worker: "You look like a war vet."

Shamon: "I am. The war of the 80's."

What?

Cloud Nine

A Tease

Co-worker: You know, I'm just teasing you.

Shamon: Oh, I know. I love it when you tease me.

Shamon: I also love it when you call me Big Poppa!

Happy Halloween!

"Lady Gee-Gee"

Shamon's NEW alter-ego!

Shamon Show Approved

"Total 70's Fantasizer Album"

This Is It

Tonight at the Landmark!

Poo Chips

Co-worker: Do you remember those fat free chips that had that weird oil in them?

Shamon: You mean, Olestra?

Co-worker: Yeah! It just gave everyone diarrhea.

Shamon: And remember the inappropriate commercial for it, with those guys floating down the river in inner-tubes?

Co-worker: No, I don't remember that commercial.

Shamon: Man, that idea was short-lived. Everybody just rejected it. Literally and figuratively.

Gee-Gee World

Shamon Show Approved

Affirmative!

Ode to Theo

Mud lines, oh Mud lines
So hard to acclimate
Mud lines, oh dear sweet Mud lines
per chance your house will fall down
but not if dear sweet farrier would be to
attach Peterbilt Mudflappen to your legs
to hold you steady and sure through
natures disastrous torrents.
Dear Sweet All Natural Disasters Fire/Mud lines.

- KT

Major League Baseball

Colin: Did you watch the Dodger game last night?

Kat: No, what happened?

Colin: It was apparently the longest nine-inning game in play-off history.

Kat: The Dodgers are in the play-offs?

Colin: Yeah, and so are the Angels. It might be a freeway series.

Kat: Oh.

Colin: You don't know that the Dodgers are in the play-offs, but you know what Chelsea [FC] had for breakfast?!!!

iPhone Emergency Radio App

Co-worker: Hey, iPhone has as an app called "Emergency Radio" where you can listen to 900 live police, fire, EMS and other emergency frequencies right on your iPhone.

Shamon: You're trying to rock my world.

Alison Arngrim's Tour of Los Angeles

"My tour is waaaay better than hers.
Anyway, Nellie Oleson is all played and double retro 70's & 90's"

Punch-Head Message

Please listen carefully.

Pepper Spray

"I bought pepper spray from the police supply store for when I went bike riding around Lake Hollywood; in case a mountain lion attacked. It was all false sense of delusional security. HEY KITTY!"

Redacted Instructions

Red car in the fire lane

Co-worker: That’s a different red car parked down there now.

Shamon: Yeah, I saw that.

Co-worker: I guess only red cars are allowed to park at red curbs.

Shamon: Yeah well, if he doesn’t move his car, I’m gonna go down there and beat him with my comfort wipe; beat him over the head.

Reality Show Casting

Co-worker #1: Oh man. They're casting for Millionaire Matchmaker at South this Thursday.

Shamon: Wait, which show is that?

Co-worker #2: You know the one with the ugly lady.

Shamon: Well, that narrows it down. You mean, Joan Rivers.

Co-worker #2: She's heading that way.

Shamon: Oh! I know which one. She's the one that looks like Punky Brewster. First, I was thinking of Who Wants To Be A Whatever.

Shamon quote submitted from a reader:

"I'm all in an Excel coma today."

Please feel free to send in any Shamon quotes that you've heard and want to share.

Parking Lot Rebel

On her way to switch cars for her parking-mate, "I'm going to go move my car, and I'm not wearing any shoes 'cause I'm a rebel."

Happy Hour

Co-worker: Are you going to Happy Hour tonight?

Shamon: Yeah, I'm going to the happy hour with my tivo and FUNjamas.

Tear-jerkers

Co-worker #1: I watched Terms of Endearment last night, and I was totally balling [correction: bawling]. It always gets me.

Co-worker #2: What was the name of its sequel?

Shamon: Uhh, Twilight.

Co-worker #2: That's the teen vampire movie.

Shamon: Or Summer Moon or something. Whatever. It wasn't very good.

Afternoon Break

Co-worker: Hey, do you want to go to Yogurt-land?

Shamon: Yeah, sure. But, what I really want is to go to Alcohol-land.

Storefront

Co-worker: Hey look, that's kind of a random store: Children's Book World

Shamon: Yeah, not to be confused with Adult Book World.

Weather Report

Awww...That bitch of a sun is coming out!

True Blood

Co-worker: Did you see True Blood last night?

Shamon: Yeah, I watched 4 episodes in a row and am all caught up.

Co-worker: Did you see you the tender scene where Terry consoles Lafayette and tells him to picture a "golden ball of warmth and saftey"?

Shamon: Yeah totally. I'm all: "Affirmative!" "Yes, please."

Impromptu Song-Off

Death metal always prevails...

Don't Look At Me

Happy 4th of July!

From the Urban Dictionary...

June 26: cha mon
A more animated way of proclaiming "c'mon" or "come on."
While playing poker and you need a high card: "I need this. Cha mon ACE!"

urbandictionary.com

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

Deflate. Shamon.

10-Key Dazzlers

"What?? I'm just trying to do my work."

Tropical Fantasy Jealousy

ARTHUR

There are endless great quotes in this movie.

What's your favorite one?

Word Obsession of the Week

We dare you to get this haircut!

This is what's on the table if you get this haircut, Shamon:
$200 + Lunch for 4 + a JITTERBUG PHONE!!!

Jealous?

A job well done

Tandem Parking

Co-worker: Can we switch cars?

Shamon: Yeah, but can I go to the bathroom first though?

Co-worker: No! Just kidding.

Shamon: It's ok. I'll just pull over on PCH. It's all martyr-world.

Spanish Translation

Co-worker: How do you say the command "You go!" in Spanish?

Shamon: I believe in turn of the century Spanish it's "SHAMON!"

Turning on her desk fan...

"I'm going to turn on my this."

What musical artist/band inspires you?

Shamon: Leslie & the Ly's, Wendy Carlos, Tom Bell

Co-worker: I've never heard of any of those. Who's Wendy Carlos?

Shamon: You know, she's like a tranny keyboard player from the 70's.

Whole Foods

Co-worker: Have you seen the biodegradable forks they have at Whole Foods that are made from potatoes?

Shamon: Yeah, I have some. It's potato fantasy yum-yum flatware.

As she's leaving Coffee Bean...

"It's all sleepy-time bear world in there."

Picnic Trifecta

1) Co-worker: Are you going to the picnic?
Shamon: Yeah, only to do the robot and then leave.

2) Shamon: How many tickets can you get driving to the picnic? Seven.

3) Shamon: Yeah, the picnic was really fun until the giant robot showed up and took all our Fritos.

Too Much Coffee

"I need some water. I'm totally spinning out."

Easter Yo-Yo

Co-worker: "You sort of do this and jerk it."

Shamon: "That's what she said."

Frenchie Talk

Co-worker: Do you speak French?

Shamon: Parlez vous Francais? Oui.

Co-worker: You do?

Shamon: Un poquito.

Iced Tea

"I better drink up my iced tea and get all caffeinated. So, I can go back to work and raise hell!"

House Party

Co-worker: Shamon, you should have a party at your place in Ventucky.

Shamon: Yeah right; it's all lights out at 8......... AM! Heyyyyy!

Snack-time

Co-worker: "Enjoy your soup."

Shamon: "I will. I have some sweet tobasco in my purse too. Never leave home without it."

Drool

Co-worker: "My poor old cat is really sick. She can't close her mouth, so she drools a lot."

Shamon: "Been there. I think it was one weekend in San Francisco in 1994."

More Kentucky Derby pics

The Dentist

"My dentist gave me black dental floss. Jealous?"

Parking

"Ahh that car is going to park-block me. Bitch!"

Charity

Co-worker #1: Oh, I need put some money in the donation box.

Shamon: I just want to take all the money in there and buy beer.

Losing your sole...

On her way to get chocolate-covered cherries,

"I'm getting on the Cherry Express. Oh yeah; it's on!"

When promptly leaving for the company chill-out:

"If you're going to get drunk, you might as well get drunk on time."

When the new microwave at the office was mentioned...

"We put tap shoes in a microwave once....just to watch them spark."

After listening to the song "Oh Kuri"...

"Yeah, a whore and curry; that's all you need. SHAMON!"

Avoid liquor crimes

"'Cause they're total deflation and devastation and all shame-spiral."

"Beep Barp"

Happy Birthday, Shamon!

You're the best!

What? Jealous?

More Kentucky Derby-esque pics to come...

This product contains...

a narcotic cough supressant (antitussive) that affects a certain part of the brain, reducing the urge to cough.

Sizzurp

"My Doctor gave me a note letting me off from work yesterday. He's not even my regular doctor. He probably thought I was hinting at it or something. I just wanted some antibiotics and sizzurp."