Redacted Instructions

Red car in the fire lane

Co-worker: That’s a different red car parked down there now.

Shamon: Yeah, I saw that.

Co-worker: I guess only red cars are allowed to park at red curbs.

Shamon: Yeah well, if he doesn’t move his car, I’m gonna go down there and beat him with my comfort wipe; beat him over the head.

Reality Show Casting

Co-worker #1: Oh man. They're casting for Millionaire Matchmaker at South this Thursday.

Shamon: Wait, which show is that?

Co-worker #2: You know the one with the ugly lady.

Shamon: Well, that narrows it down. You mean, Joan Rivers.

Co-worker #2: She's heading that way.

Shamon: Oh! I know which one. She's the one that looks like Punky Brewster. First, I was thinking of Who Wants To Be A Whatever.

Shamon quote submitted from a reader:

"I'm all in an Excel coma today."

Please feel free to send in any Shamon quotes that you've heard and want to share.

Parking Lot Rebel

On her way to switch cars for her parking-mate, "I'm going to go move my car, and I'm not wearing any shoes 'cause I'm a rebel."

Happy Hour

Co-worker: Are you going to Happy Hour tonight?

Shamon: Yeah, I'm going to the happy hour with my tivo and FUNjamas.

Tear-jerkers

Co-worker #1: I watched Terms of Endearment last night, and I was totally balling [correction: bawling]. It always gets me.

Co-worker #2: What was the name of its sequel?

Shamon: Uhh, Twilight.

Co-worker #2: That's the teen vampire movie.

Shamon: Or Summer Moon or something. Whatever. It wasn't very good.

Afternoon Break

Co-worker: Hey, do you want to go to Yogurt-land?

Shamon: Yeah, sure. But, what I really want is to go to Alcohol-land.