Shorty Got Low

KT: My sister was singing some song about apple-bottom jeans and boots with fur...

Co-worker: Yeah, that's "Shorty Got Low" by Nelly. He has that jean company called Apple Bottom or something.

KT: I'm clueless.

Co-worker: Google it.

Co-worker: Oh, it's by Flo Rida and T-Pain. It's like a stripper song.

KT: Ahhhh, that's why I like it.

Cashews vs. Peanuts

"If you can't have the nuts you want, love the nuts you're with!"

The Garage

"I'm going to buy the hair gel today 'cause it's pay-day."

$OCD

Co-worker: I'm all paranoid now. I don't want to touch money.

KT: You should eat it. It's gross. Put a nickel in your mouth. It's all BARFGHHH!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

CR: Wouldn't a normal person say, "I'm going to the X games."? Not just "I'm leaving early at 2:30."

KT: Well, you didn't ask. The less info the better. Don't ask; don't tell.

It's always something

"Oh my gawd; I left my wallet. It's always something. I need a man purse."

Zatch Gassifinasky

Co-worker: You have to read this Zach Galifianakis article. It's so funny.

KT: I will. I'll take it home tonight. I'll put it in my chuckle bucket.

Post-carmageddon

"I'm changing it to caramel-geddon 'cause it was so sweet."

Carmageddon

1) "I call it demo-lick-a."

2) "I'm going to volunteer with Cal Trans this weekend...I already have a helmet."

Patch Adams

"My doctor's really smart 'cause he's all sunburned. Like a circus clown."

My Hero

Co-worker: You're an AG [ass-gasket] hero!

KT: Rest assured, I am.

Sigalert

"I have to look at Snag-alert. Well, that's what it is. Snagalert.com"

Walk-about

Shamon: I think I'm going to take a walk around the block...Not to be confused with rocking around the clock.

Co-worker: Or been around the block.

Shamon: Yeah, or New Kids On The Block!

June birthdays

Co-Worker: How do they say Happy Birthday in South Africa?

Colin: Well, in Afrikaans, it's gelukkige verjaarsdag [pronounced kha-lukkikh-farr-yaars-daakh].

Shamon: I thought she was married to Harrison Ford.

Hip to be...

Shamon: That's so L7.

Colin: What?

Shamon: That's so square.

Colin: Oh my gawd. That's pathetic.

Colie's Choice

"I don't know what's worse. Double black scotch or the new Radiohead album!"

Uh-ohhh!

Co-worker: It's so cold in the bathroom.

Shamon: Are you trying to set-up a meeting in the Ladies room?

Anyone for tennis?

Shamon: Do you have any tennis balls?

Co-worker: Yeah.

Shamon: Can I have one to sit on? My back is killing me.

Co-worker: Sure.

Shamon: Are you sure you don't mind?

Co-worker: Yeah, I mean, you can keep it. I don't want it back.

Shamon: Ahhh...I'm so offended. I zorry; I'll replace it.

Sugar rush

Co-worker: Mmm...M&M's!

Shamon: Yeah, but you wouldn't like them 'cause I got them from the filth tunnel.

Mobile Time Capsule

"Shut up. Whatever. I know Toto. So, there."

Sugar & Spice

"I don't like the coffee sweet, and I like the curry spicy. So, back-off, you guys."

Cinco de Mayo aka Stinko de Lick-rig

"Sometimes when you guys aren't paying attention to me, I pour water down my neck."

How The West Was Worn...by Michael Jackson

"This is pre-moon-walk."


Installation at the Autry

He Works Hard For The Money

"It's tough working 2 jobs, supporting 6 cars."

Cowbell vs. Hotel bell

"Colie dolly vs. ringy dingy"

True Blood

"I'm starting to liven up here. The sun's going down...it's all vampyre world."

Gumby All Liquorfied

The Adventures Of Shamon

"I gotta put my shoes back on...like a normal person does...at work. I'm not down here by the river like Huckleberry Finn."

Boooooze

1) Co-worker: I had a bad experience with gin once.

Shamon: Yeah, sometimes I go off it too. But, you've got to get back up on the horse! [Rings bell!]


2) "I can't do brown alcohol. Bourbon, whiskey, scotch; uh-uh. I got in trouble once...like life-altering trouble...Just kidding...Sort of."







3) Co-worker: So, what's the philosophy with the globe bar; the rules?

Shamon: Mine is don't get me started.

#16

Co-worker: This pick-up truck with a TV in the back didn't clear the covered parking lot entrance, and the box with the TV in it got lodged against the ceiling and completely cracked the TV.

Colie: That's a major vrot banana, eh?

Shamon: What? You want a banana?

Colie: No, that's my new term for a situation like that. That's Colinism #16.

Wedge sandals

Co-worker: I bet it's hard to walk around in those.

Shamon: I used to be able to run around the block in them....You know, away from the cops. Shamon!

Persian Richard Simmons

" [Pointing to the guy in the back with the long hair] This one needs to go back to intermediate."

Johannesburg Lion

"One leg is shorter than the other. We share a common defect."

Silver Reign

Co-worker: They have a free lunch buffet, but it's $30 to get in.

Shamon: I'll save the $30 and look at my own boobs at home in the mirror.

Martyr-world revisted

Co-Worker: Do you want some of my left-over spaghetti from lunch?

Shamon: No, the martyr wants what the martyr wants.

Joey

The devasting aftermath

Missing file

Shamon: Where did you find it?

Co-worker: It wasn't in a hanging file, and it sort of slipped down.

Shamon: Well, I'm sure I didn't do that; it doesn't sound like my handiwork. My handiwork sounds like this [plays cowbell and rings bell]!

Lounge Area

"Full nap rig. I wanta."

Super Ball

Co-worker: "So, are you going to any Super Bowl festivities?"

Shamon: "Me? No. I mean...I'm sure I'll end up in a drunken brawl somewhere. But, it won't be because of the Super Bowl."

Shamon Show Approved

Recycle Rig

Martyr Time

"It's all martyr world...

[Sings] Welcome to martyr world...

It goes with the dance: the martyr shuffle."

[Minutes later]

"Have you seen my martyr mobile?"

Statement Deflation

"This is going in the trash. I'm done with this. It's nothing but heartache and sorrow."

Walkabout

Co-worker: "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Shamon: "Yeah, but I'm not wearing my shoes. I don't care. I'm not afraid of transdermal funk."

A.I.

Co-worker: Is anybody, dare I ask, into American Idol?

Shamon: I'm not allowed to watch it.

Junior's

Shamon: You know what I have downstairs?

Co-worker: Are you talking to me?

Shamon: No, I don't have an Italian movie. I have left-over potato latkes.

MJ

"I miss him....I miss his sparkle."

Tick Tock

Time flies when you get to work at ONE; Shamon!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alfas and Omissions

Why are you sweating?

"It's from all the coffee and running around...and all the lies."